still dont know

my dog is somewhat better,, but age has taken the life out of her.

when i came home,, she came up to me, but with walk like shes a 90 year old woman,,, and im sure shes close to that age in dogs years,, well i checked online, shes about 70 years old..

im thinking about the ultimate outcome on this,, everyday putting her to sleep seems so much closer..she starting to look shes in pain.. she follows me around the apt, as to tell me ,, help me...

last night i was hearing walking around the apt,, out of breath, she just kept walking and walking,, but all i wanted to do was just close my eyes and hope that all that she was going thru would go away..
but she finally settled in front of door and slept there the rest of the night.

if she was a smaller dog,, and i was able to pick her up without hurting her i would take her to the VET to get her opinion,.... its just that, picking her up was always hard..and im not sure if i can take that trip to the vet with her.. the feeling of IM KILLING HER comes over me.. but then again,, me letting her suffer like this is sometimes harder..i dont want to come home from work now,, i want to stay out, so as not to deal with what shes going thru,, like if i dont see it,, then its not a problem,, which is not good,, i have to face this,,but i dont know,, i just dont know