my heart hurts

my heart hurts , is the best i can explain it..

so many things are coming all at me at once, and this is not new,,but my dog makes it hard for me to do other things..

shes suffering, so in turn, so am i...

i suppose to go out today,, and i am, but to be honest, im really forcing myself to go out.. but at the same time i dont want to home because i have to deal with a dying dog..yes i come to the fact that she will pass on.. i dont know when,, parts of me want it to be soon, so she will not have to suffer any longer,, but the young boy me, wants her to stay with me forever...

i want to go play ball with her one last time, i want to throw the ball and her to run and catch it..

i can close my eyes and see her runnig around like she use to...
i will miss that..

i dont know what will happen if i lose her,, if,,i keep saying if,,you see , im denying it still, i want her to be happy, i want her back the way she was