i cant it anymore

spending all day saturday in the house with my dying dog, i think took a few years away from my life...im about to have a nervous breakdown....all day,, ever half hour,, i have a bout of crying..

all that over a dog????

you can say that,,, but till you had a dog,, a true friend, whos been at your side for 14 years, then you will understand the pain that im going thru,,,, this is like watching my own fmaily member die slowly in front of you,,and yes she is like a family memember,, you dont have a dog for 14 years and not let it be a family memeber.

so monday morning im calling the vet, and bringing her in.....

i dont know what the outcome will be,,, the best would be they remove the tumor and she can live fine for another 1 year or 2..
the worst, that i go there with her,, but i dont return with her, ever....

i really cant let go of her,, people are telling me she had a good life,, that you have to let go,,, but its one of the hardest things to do..

im gonna leave the house today,, and try to enjoy this nice day, if i stay another day here, i think im gonna go crazy,, and im so serious about that.. yesterday was a day i dont want to live again....it was so bad i had to take a sleeping pill just to get to bed,, because i was shaking so much..........

no matter how hard to will be to take her to her vet,, i have to do it,, if her best friend,,her father, then i have to do this for her, i cant let her live like this.....
will i get over this?? the way i feel right now,, no,, this effect me big time,, and believe it has,,