waiting around

i skipped work today, so i can take my dog to the vet...

i called early this morning,, tried to put forth to them that this is an emercgency type of situation, but earliest i can come in is 11am..

so now im sitting around waiting till around 10-1015 to start attempts to get the dog in the car, which is what i dread the most.....

right now i feel numb,, i dont know how to feel,, i dont know how to react...

it was weird last night, she actually seemed somewhat normal,, she moved alittle faster and walked around the apartment... and this morning she got up walked around outside...so thats making it even harder for me to talk her....

i dont know what the doctor is gonna say, im dreading the worst.. i know whats shes going to say,, that denise has met her time and she has to be put down....as i write those words,, numbness is taking over me.,.. i dont want to think..

i feel like im going thru the motions here,, i see myself doing this, but i have distant look at it..... tough to explain...

so i just sit here and wait.... each min that passes seems like 100 mins have passed...