the talk__________

so its wednesday, so at my office that means we go out for chinnese, a weird tradition,, but hey.
the girls in the office dont go with us, so its just me and my two bosses who go out to eat. now the food aint that great, but my main reason to go is to try to get that out of office bond with my bosses to get on there good side,, since when we are there we all turn into "guys", we talk about women,talk about the game ,, etc ,etc...

so we started talking about my dad retiring from the office,, he works with me at the office,,, so they were talking about expanding the business maybe taking on a few more buildings ( i work in real estate by day ) so they talking about expanding, and they might need more room, and even hire some people to help out....

so sitting there i was like, ok where do i fit into all of this,, so i was scared to ask, but i said what the hell,, so i said "how do i fit into this picture of the future" ,,, so they looked at me, like and said ok lets talk,, what are plans ,, what are doing with your life ,,etc etc,..questions about i always avoid,, since its more of family kind of situation at work, since ive kinda grown up with the company since my dad worked there for 25 plus years...

so i ran around the question,and gave them my plans, which of course they dont understand,, ( i want to be a photographer, in case u guys wanted to know -- and heres my website http://www.robayo.com shamless plug ;-) )but i told them my plans, etc.. and they were like ,, well how long u been out of college and what u done so far to get there... and i really i didnt have an answer for them..

what have i been doing,, i have taken pictures , but i really have done nothing to purse what i wanted.. and part of the reason that i didnt ,was my mom, who was sick for the past 2 years, and was in and out of the hospital with heart and a really bad ear infection that required brain surgery of sorts,, so i didnt want to take a chance with money,, i didnt want to change jobs, i didnt want to change my lifestyle to much, cause to be honest with u i was scared,, i was scared that i wouldnt have money to support my mom etc..

but was i wasting those 4 years out of college, i dont think i was..i think it some strange way i was growing up,, i was making up for those years in college where i didnt give myself a chance to find out who i was...thats one big regret from college, that i didnt really live those years, that ididnt get a chance to experince the full college years,,so in way,, im living them now...
i need these 4 years to grow,,,shit happens in 4 years,, i watched my mom almost pass away a couple of times from her heart,, my brother moved on with his life, and now lives in another state,, my dog passed away,, all these things are either making me stronger, or slowy breaking me down..time will tell

so in short that convo with my boss really hit hard with me,, even though it was more a lite talk with them,, but they brought up some stuff that made me really think...

i think its time,, i think im ready now,, i wasnt ready to go out there straight out of college,, i thought i was.. i thought i was ready to take over the world,, but i wasnt.. i need time to really see who i was.. i mean for the past couple i was heavy involved with group of people,, a good group of people,, but i felt i grew up with them but at the same time i grew up in a bubble,, now i had to part ways with them,,reason being i needed my space,, i need to know who i was,,so how i can know what i want, when i dont even know who i was really,, i think in this past 4 years i gained some knowledge,, some small sight of the person that i am,...

so iam ready now,, im ready to fly again...i have people to prove wrong ,, most more improtant i have to keep the promises that i made to myself,, i have to prove to myself that i am greater then this....