a sad day

i write because at the moment thats all i can do....

i miss her so much,, it hurts so much just to think about her..and thats all i can think about..

did i do the right thing?? couldve i done something else to prevent this? was this her time to go??

when the vet askes you what u want to do.......i felt the world fall on my shoulders,,, here is this living creature,, my dog for 14 years ,,been on my side thru the thick and thin,,, and we just a nod of my head i can end her life...

the doctor asked if i wanted x-rays done or blood work to see if she can be treated... but that will delay what will finally happen...

i hope i did the right thing....

i have lost people in my life,, my first was my godfather, then my best friend from high school and then my cousin.... all have effected me bad...but this one is like all 3 rolled into one and then blown 100 times over....

she has been with me more then half my life.. im not use to coming home and not having her greet me at the door after work,, or wake up me up in the morning cause she wants to go outside...
i wont hear her steps in my hallway no more as i eat dinner and she wants to try to get a piece of food for herself....no more trips to petco and spoiling her with nice little gifts.....

theres a empty void in my heart now...its so heavy and so deep.... im trying to look into the future ,,trying to see how my life will be like,, but for right now all i see is a life without my baby....